a female player

My mother is perplexed and disturbed by my description of a male friend as a slut. In her understanding of the universe, sluts are women. My mother is not a prude; in fact, she wishes she were a sex therapist. She would enjoy nothing more than to teach women that sex is supposed to be enjoyable for them (she still imagines that they [we] need this instruction). But still, somehow, a slut, someone who enjoys sex too much and has it with too many people, is only a woman. Such a condition is not possible for men; apparently they can only be described in the more recently developed term of player, as in one who plays on another's emotions by fooling around with her and someone else at (or approximately) the same time. She asks, "What constitutes a male slut?" I answer, "The same thing that constitutes a female slut. Only with a penis." This just doesn't, as it were, fit her frame.

Really now.

So today I spent most of my afternoon hunting through online classifieds for a job that doesn't require driving to the hospitality-industry-soaked Kona side of the island every day. I spent hours altering and reformatting and printing and sending my resume all over the island. It got me to thinking, there are two jobs that I just don't think would require such a rigorous application process.

1) Hawaii requires no bartending license. All I have to do is be 18 (which I exceed by a year and four days) and prove my knowledge of mixed drinks. Surely my awareness that tequila and Fresca go really well together will satisfy that requirement.

2) Just about anywhere in the world, if there is a minimum requirement to be a stripper, it's to be 18. As mentioned, I qualify. Now I just need to learn to pole dance.

And take off my clothes in public. That will be harder.

I'll let you know how it goes.